Lizard Rules and Words of Wisdom...
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To avoid the complete breakdown of society, as we know it, the Lizards have developed a set of rules and words of wisdom (not necessarily the same thing) to govern the Lizard clan. These rules have be developed over millions of years but have been adapted to modern Lizard living. Also, early rules such as, "Fire hot... burn Lizard" have been translated to a more modern reading, "Keep your hands out of the fire, you idiot!" with key expletive phrases added.

A complete set of rules and words of wisdom is under development, and as we remember them, but some of the biggies are listed below:

  1. Its nice to be nice.

  2. Life is tough, but its tougher if you're dumb.

  3. Never bring food to the woods that bears will not eat.

  4. While teaching old dogs new tricks, be careful... they bite.

  5. Keep your hands out of the fire, you idiot!

  6. You can be lost and still enjoy yourself.

  7. If you keep doing dumb things, expect dumb things to happen.

  8. Leave early, before you're asked.

  9. You don't need money if you have friends that do.

  10. Style counts.

  11. When dealing with mean people, smile a lot.

  12. Don't do stupid things, even if told to.

  13. There is a difference between urgent and important.

  14. Never put sharp objects (i.e., butcher knife) in your clothing bags.

  15. If you ignore rule #14 you can stop the bleeding with a clean paper towel and a rubber band to maintain the pressure.

  16. If in doubt, don't.

  17. Life is uncertain... Eat dessert first.

  18. The higher the Lizard climbs, the more you see of his behind.

  19. It only takes one Lizard to start stuff.

  20. Plan one fun event every day... Look forward to it and remember it.

  21. If you're going to sleep in a parking lot, don't sleep where the buses park.

  22. It is easier to get into something, than get out of it.

  23. You're headed for a nervous breakdown when you start believing your job is important.

  24. You are thirty times more likely to be hit by lightening than win the lotto... Don't press your luck.

  25. Life is way too complicated to figure out, so just pick out the parts you like.

  26. The cool thing about being an adult is, you don't have to eat everything on your plate.

  27. It is better to be lucky than smart.

  28. You don't know you are lost until you are.

  29. No brain... No pain...

  30. Stupid actions are cumulative.

  31. Never tell your doctor how to do surgery... but make sure he removes the right body part.

  32. Make original mistakes... Don't repeat old ones.

  33. Good ideas have no owners, just followers.

  34. Bad ideas have owners, and victims.

  35. You are probably not as bad as they are saying.

  36. Don't bring rocks to a gunfight.

Of course, Lizards have many other rules to help them through life's trials and along the trails, but we are always looking for yet more wisdom. If you have a wise word, please contact the Head Lizard

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